The drugs don't work.

I guess this will be one of the final entries for 2008. I know it became a lot better than last year. Let's just hope 2009 will be even better.

Christmas has passed. I normaly suffer from anxiety attacks during this time of the year. I was so looking forward to spending christmas with someone particular in mind. However, things didn't work out that way. You can't always get what you want. I know that. I am blessed with some amazing friends. C took care of me during x-mas. I can never thank her enough for letting me spend it with her family. I know I had options even. Amazing friends. Not just here in Kalmar.

I am truly blessed. And I would gladly give up my own life for any of them. It may sound stupid, silly or even just ridiculous. It is however the truth. I love you guys.

One final thought goes out to my mom. You know I miss you mom. I'll visit you tomorrow. I'll try to push myself there. I will have to do it. I promised someone to do it.

I miss you so much. I love you mom.

The end of 2008 has been, well... Not as good as it could have been. Things just don't work out, and you can't really do something about it. You miss stuff. That makes perfect sense.

Tonight I lost someone dear to me. Someone close to me. I correct myself, I found out I lost someone dear to me tonight. I'm thinking of cutting my vacation short and returning to Sthlm sooner than planned. It all comes down to the funeral.

This is for you...


Mate, I'm gonna miss you a lot. I know we haven't seen so much of each other these past few months. Doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about you. It's the other way around. I wish things didn't turn out the way they did. I wish I could have done something. I can't believe you're really gone. I am gonna miss you. I'm gonna miss not having you around.

Tonight I found out you shot yourself full of heroin. A fucking uncool way of dying. I hate drugs. More than ever. I will never judge you for what you did. I'm angry you left me. I just wish this was a bad dream. I wish I could have done something. I wish I could have been there to at least try to stop you. I know I'll always remember you. Not for this. For all the good times we had. I'll make you a promise right here; I'll never forget about you. I also promise to smile at least once for you every now and then. The drugs didn't work. They just made you worse. I can't believe I just tried to sum up your life in a few words. You meant a lot to many people. There are several of us who will miss you a lot. I know I'm not alone. I hope you found peace. I hope you can read this. I hope you know I will never forget you.

C ya around mate. R.I.P.


Black liner run

I was just thinking. Recently I got this invite for Spotify. Could this be the future? I hope not. Spotify is brilliant for, well at least at work. I can't bring my whole cd collection. I can't bring my vinyl. What I can do is bring my iPod. Lately it's battery is getting worse, and I would really need to get a new one. I  guess I will some day soon.

If you don't know what spotify is, let me tell you the basics.

You don't need any records at all. You don't need to download anything. (Except for the program of course). No files taking up your precious space on your harddrive. Spotify is a client running streamed music. You can find almost 4 million of the 7.5 million songs currently at STIM. And that's pretty good. In the future, everything will probably be avaible on Spotify. So, no downloads, no mp3's. Nothing. Just a simple installation and you get access to loads of music.

So far, so good. I like it a lot. I use it at work. I used to run Last FM at work. I've discovered a lot of new music thanks to that program. I still use it from time to time. The downside concerning Last FM? Well you can't really choose to listen to one specific album. Just different artists similar to what you've picked. (That's if you use the web radio of course, which I do at work.)

Spotify brings you albums, sometimes even b-sides and a lot of goodies.

HOWEVER. I like records. What if this is the future? (Which it probably is.) This means the record industry will eventually stop to put out records. Why would they? If you can stream the music or download it, why go through the process of making vinyls or cd's? And perhaps that reality isn't that far away. I don't like that. Read my lips. I LIKE RECORDS. I prefer vinyl, but CD's are ok. I want the recordsleeve, I want the cd booklet. I want something real in my hands while listening to the album. Of course, I use iTunes while I'm at home. (I can't at work anymore, not since that damn Office 2007 installation which crashed my iTunes.)

I'm not sure I like this future. It's convenient. I totally agree. But I don't have to like it. It's a good thing you don't have to have a record in your shelf. But I like that. I love fiddeling my stuff. RECORDS that is!

So... Where are we going? And do we like it? I'm not sure.

What will it be?

Red flags and long nights.

I'm having trouble sleeping. It's a good thing my christmas holiday is coming up rather soon. I guess I'll sleep, sleep and sleep. Last time I went home, I realized I wasn't comfortable in my own bed. The one that's parked at my fathers place. I was much more comfortable somewhere else. I think that's the last time I got a really good nights sleep. And it's a long time ago.

Busy week this one. Tomorrow I'm off for a birthday party. Thursday is quiznight at Pet Sounds Bar. (We're gonna get crushed... But who cares). This friday, it's time for the companys christmas party. This will be my third x-mas party with this company. The other two, they were... Memorable. Quite looking forward to it. I need to do some final x-mas shopping too. I thought I'd do it way before x-mas sneaks up on you. I'm just not sure how I'm gonna get all the stuff I bought on the bus. Ah well, things will work out fine. They always work out in the end.

Reel around the fountain

Quiznight was not too bad. We came in at 3rd place. We're going back on the 18th. I had a very nice phonecall last night. Let me just say, I do understand more now. It's unfortunate things are the way they are, but they could be a lot worse. Believe me, it could. We spoke for hours, and we cleared the air. Really, there was nothing to clear, we just talked about it and held nothing back.

Things are the way they are. But I'm not sad. I just miss you. But you know all that already. I put it all down for you. And I hope you find use for it. JUST DON'T SHAVE YOUR CAT!! ;)

Need to get my sleep in order. I've had trouble sleeping way too long now. And it's beginning to show. Well, it's not like I'm growing grey hairs or anything. Wait, I AM! ;)

The downsides of being out way too late, well let's not even go there. No more drinky drinky for me for a looong time. *sigh*


Me, Leo and Rickard went to Debaser Medis last night. I was all stoked, it was time for my first concert with Ladytron. No opening act. Still don't know why. Quite surprising. So, how was it? It wasn't that good. It wasn't all bad, but the band seemed a bit... Well, uninterested. It was a bit so so... But at least I got to see them. Rickard told me they weren't that good last time around either, but this was even worse. Worse is not a good word to describe them. They weren't bad. Just not present at the stage. Could be their image. I don't know. I did enjoy it, and I didn't enjoy it. Both at the same time. That's strange, no?

Well, tonight were off for a quiz at Gamla stan. Should be interesting. I got another delivery from ebay today. I got the Huntingtons 2000 album, Plastic Surgery. And it's gonna hit my cdrom right about NOW!

The story about the Bunny boy!

I went to Kägelbanan to check out The Residents first (?) visit to Sweden. I thought I might never get another chance to see these guys in action. It's better to be safe than sorry. And let me tell you, it was really strange. Really entertaining. A mix of concert, performance and theatre. Really really strange.

Harvey was missing. That's his brother. He was supposedly in Greece, and The Bunny boy just went on tour with The Residents to be able to find Harvey.

I guess you might recognize this picture of the band.

If you go
HERE, you'll find the story about the Bunny Boy. It's weird. But highly entertaining.

The Bunnyboy, The Residents, and the idiot who decided to STAND infront of the rest of us who were sitting down.

Last night was the 3 month mark. It feels a lot better, but I still carry the loss. I miss you. I guess I will for a long time. It was short, dynamic, intense and passionate. Some people stick to you, like a gum on the shoe. Babe, you're the gum on my shoe!